Remember that time I actually used to blog? Haha, yeah me neither ;). I’ve definitely not blogged as much as I’ve wanted since Sam was born, which is kind of a bummer because I love writing, but duty calls and life on the home front comes first of course.
So here’s a little summation of the last few weeks:
Let’s start off with our road trip to Utah. One of our best friends got married a few weekends ago, and it was so wonderful to be there. He has been one of Kasen’s best friends since the beginning of college and after being with Kasen just about 4.5 years, it’s obvious Greg and I would become well acquainted. He is a great guy, a loyal friend, and an overall good human being. Over the years he has become like a brother to me, and we call him ‘Uncle Greg’ to Sam. Anyway, it was amazing. We drove down on Wednesday night right after Kase got off work and drove as far as we could before we called it a night. We made it to the edge of Oregon, about an hour from Idaho.
Here was our late night party animal at 4 a.m. when we made a stop overnight. I swear he can’t miss out on the fun. But as long as he is happy, I really don’t care too much.
In between Sam’s sleep, I would change and feed him. Then during the day I would take him out to play during gas stops. He was such a stud. He did amazing.
We decided to drive because I could barely handle the anxiety of flying and not knowing how Sam would do. He did great on our trip to Cali this past summer, but I was the crazy on our flights! I’m still not the best at letting Sam cry in public. I still get weird about it. (Shhh, I know, I know, it’s not a big deal. I’ll get over it. Some day.) So, naturally a roadtrip was a much more comfortable option for me. Oh, and about $400 cheaper. Worth it on every level.
It also reminded me of the good old days of when Kasen and I would frequently drive to Washington or Colorado for the holiday breaks, family reunions, etc. It was a time to talk, to plan, to dream, to reconnect, and I felt like we got to do that again with our cute little bug in the backseat. Kind of surreal. Speaking of good old days, as we pulled into Utah and drove through our old stomping grounds, we couldn’t help but feel a sense of nostalgia. It was kind of an interesting feeling because I was so antsy to get out of Utah and get back to Washington! But I think more than anything it was the fond memories we created as a newly married couple and college students, and meeting up with friends and family that missed us and cared about us! We stayed with my sister-in-law and her family, and they had a great, simple little apartment. Again, back to those fond memories. It made me miss the simplicity of my life just a year ago. Or even when we first got married, when we lived in this ‘dumpy’ place that I really made into a home. It’s kind of a running joke in our marriage and those close to us. But I gained even more respect for myself for living in those circumstances.
In hindsight, the happiness is all the same in comparison to then and now. We definitely have a nicer place, a nicer car, just nicer ‘things’ now in comparison to when we first got married. But these ‘things’ haven’t made us any happier per se, because we allowed ourselves to be happy even in our meager circumstances as newlyweds. That was a great lesson to me that happiness really is always there as long as I permit it. A great lesson for me because it is too easy to be influenced by the consumer culture in our country.
A fascinating concept to me regarding this topic is the hedonic treadmill. Check out the link. Bigger is not always better people! Which brings me to my next, most recent fascination, tiny homes. Oh. My. Goodness. Watch the documentary called Tiny on Netflix. So cool. I am just in awe at how practical and efficient people are! If they can live, eat, sleep, cook, whatever… in under 200 square feet… then I can definitely deal with my 700 square foot apartment. Talk about inspiring.
So back on track, we got to see Greg and his new wife Karly be sealed for time and all eternity in the same temple we were married in about 3 years ago and that was so special. It’s the Oquirrh Mountain Temple. Isn’t it beautiful? Truly a place of peace and complete happiness.
Later that night we went to the reception and as soon as the dancing begun we headed out on our way back to Washington, which was a total bummer because I love dancing! But it allowed us to get home early Sunday evening.
Anyway, here is me and my sweetie pea in his slacks, button up + bow tie. I love him and his chubbiness.
So we got home, and picked up our puppy (Oso) from my mom’s house. She was dog sitting for us. Anyway, right as I walked in, I saw my girl and she looked thinner, and my mom said she hadn’t eaten much the last couple of days and thought maybe she missed us. So we brought her home, and she remained sick, vomiting, not eating, barely drinking water and continued to get weaker and weaker.
The next day after we got home, I got extremely sick with the flu, and of course Sam caught it too. I can’t remember the last time I was that sick. I woke up literally soaked in sweat with a fever of 102, horribly achy, exhausted, congested… you get it. Luckily for us, Kase caught it after we were on the mend. I’ll definitely count that as a blessing. Otherwise, if we were all sick at the same time I think I might have died. It was really hard being so sick with a baby to care for too.
Then we all eventually got healthy again, except for our pup. We took her in to the vet and it turned out she had an unknown mass or blockage in her abdomen, her white blood cell count was high and her gallbladder was failing. She would have to undergo invasive surgery but wasn’t guaranteed to live through it, and even then… money isn’t growing on trees. I mean we just had a baby, Kasen is going to grad school here shortly, we are living off one income and we are saving up for a home. Surgery for a puppy was not in our plans and couldn’t be in our plans. So we watched her wither away until I couldn’t take it anymore and we decided to put her to sleep. It sucked. So bad. I cried like a baby as I held her and comforted her when they gave her the medicine. Even now my heart still hurts and yearns for her. My heart is really soft sometimes, it’s a blessing and a curse. It hurt a little more too because Sam and Oso loved each other so much. I’m just glad Sam is too young to remember what happened.
On the topic of love, I’ve been ruminating over the concept that it hurts to love people. Or things. Puppies even. And I have this thing about guarding myself so that I don’t get hurt. And for a short time in my life it made me hard inside. But marrying Kasen has helped me become softer again. Anyway, it dawned on me that I’m not loving enough if I don’t experience a healthy degree of vulnerability. Because if I don’t, I am withholding parts of me, and that means there isn’t complete trust in myself, in my spouse, in God etc.
Just my own thoughts. Take it or leave it.
This past weekend, we were able to sit at home and watch General Conference via a live broadcast. This is where we hear from our church leaders, amazing men and women who share inspiring and uplifting messages that encourage me to improve and be a better person, a better wife and mother. In case you’re curious, there are a plethora of talks you can listen to here.
Anyway, in between all that, I have spent my days with my family, my mom and sister, my own little family, the day to day duties of cooking and cleaning, projects around the house, caring for our Sam and playing with him, spending time with Kase at night, going out on lunch dates with old friends, making new ones, visiting Kase for lunch when he’s at work, etc.
I’m always occupied. I never understand when I hear people say they are bored. There is too much to do to be bored. With all there is to do, my happy time of all times is at night with my guys. Just after bath time, right before bed time, we read scriptures and say prayers as a family, we read Sam his cheesy little books and give lots of kisses and lay him down for bed. These are the moments where I drink in the absolute goodness of my life. These simple moments fill my heart and soul to no end.